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On getting it without getting hit (or punished otherwise)

A grey day with a drizzle. Boring? Not if you’re on a walk with two children. It was nanny’s turn, as I took some time off to recover after Christmas craze. While Zuzia was napping happily in her stroller, Jasiek acted a little wild. All of a sudden he took a run. The nanny tried to chase him, but with little success – I didn’t quite expect we would ever need a fancy jogging-stroller. Her shouting bounced off  Jasiek with the same effect as it echoed from the surrounding blocks. My son stopped just before a major street junction. The nanny was really angry as she caught up with him. “Hey, don’t run from me like that!” – she started, but he only laughed. “This street is really big, I was scared!” – she continued. “But I stopped” – said Jasiek, still laughing. “Yes! But I wasn’t sure you would. You did not react when I was calling you! And also you are a small boy and a driver might not see you and drive on a pavement…” Jaś suddenly got serious, thought about it a little and said with a hint of surprise “So you were really worried about me?” “Yes” – she was touched – “Please don’t run from me like that.” – she repeated with a softer tone. “Ok” – responded my son solemnly. I believe he won’t and I cherish this moment of him getting it, without getting hit (or punished otherwise).

On how to involve family members who do not know NVC and are not really interested to learn, part2

At my in-laws Jasiek found a box of lego, that belonged to his father. He happily run downstairs to play with it and a few minutes later I could hear his ear-piercing, angry scream. Downstairs I saw my son and his usually calm grandpa in a tie.

-“Say please” – went the grandpa.

- “No, these are my legos!” – shouted Jasiek in response.

-“These are my legos and I will give them to you, when you say please”.

- “No!” – responded Jasiek and it seemed this could go forever. Or at least until someone gave in.

- “Wait, what happened?”- I asked my son first, as I saw him really tense.

- “He took my lego.” – said Jasiek.

- “I did not.” – responded the grandpa. “I just took it for a moment to spread the blanket on the floor.”

- “Oh, so you wanted Jasiek to be warm when he plays?” – I checked with the grandpa.

- “Yes” – he confirmed. “And Jasiek started screaming and hit me!”

Now I got it.

- “Jasiek, did you get angry, because you thought Grandpa took your legos away?” – I tried a guess.

- “Yes” – answered my son through tears.

- “Oh, I understand. And this is why you hit him, right?”

- “Yes” – said my son getting more relaxed. I saw that my in-law started to understand the whole thing too.

-”Well, you see, he took it just to spread the blanket. He didn’t mean to take your lego away. And now he’s angry, because he didn’t like you hitting him. Do you now understand what happened?” “Yes” – confirmed my son and to my biggest surprise turned to his grandpa with a hopeful look “Please, give me the lego” – And that’s how he got his lego back.
And I decided to spare my “do say, don’t hit” sermon to another day.

On being present

It was yet another day when my daughter woke up at 5am. Half asleep I sat down with her on the bathroom floor and gave her a box with my make-up to win a moment to recover. As I sat there next to her and observed her meticulously  examining every single thing, shape and texture,  all of a sudden I felt very peaceful. It seemed that time did not exist. In fact, nothing did, except for this box, this bathroom, this moment. Soaking in my baby’s world felt like taking a long, relaxing bath. My New Year’s resolution – take time just to be present with my children. Do nothing. Just be.